The Care and Keeping of Your Pod People

As an unwilling slave on this corporate plantation, my gubmint-issued blinders have been stripped off by thousands of events over the course of my existence. None have been quite so eye-opening as this global terrorist onslaught masquerading as concern for public health.

While the pod peeps are in even more of an uproar than they usually are, my mind has begun to draw a quiet blank. For years these humanoids have been bleating and screeching about ‘fascism’ and ‘oppression’ and ‘police states’—despite having zero clue what these words actually mean. A difference of opinion is fascism. Trump is a fascist. Everyfuckingthing these retards hate is fascism. In the face of actual fascism under the guise of public health, they support it. Really, who’s surprised?

Too bad this coerced isolation isn’t being selectively rolled out on those who’ve earned it. Imagine the humanoids being forced to stay at home while the rest of us go out and live our lives. While the losers whine about how their rich, full lives of texting, posting hate online, spewing misogynist drivel, playing video games, and mindless consumption of propaganda have been relegated to texting, posting hate online, spewing misogynist drivel, playing video games, and mindless consumption of propaganda indoors, we the (actual) people would be playing soccer in the parks our tax dollars pay for. We’d be seeing concerts put on by actually good musicians. We’d buy fresh flowers and go for long bike rides and drink coffee outdoors while the boring idiots stay at home—so as not to infect us with their virulent, vitriolic combination of inferiority and entitlement.

All you greedtards posting about how people MUST self-desolate from the comfort and safety of your well-stocked home should be dragged to an open-air pen and left to fend for yourselves amongst your fellow parasites. Those who deserve a place to live, e.g the homeless, abuse victims, disabled or mentally ill people, will be given your home—while you keep paying rent on it.

Don’t worry, footsoldiers and bootlickers: your pweshis pweshis pwiviwedge ain’t goin’ anywhere until A Big Male Leader decides he’s had enough of veiling his threats and decides to open the bigger floodgates. Until then, your pussy self is safe from whatever violence you deserve. (And if you’re dumb enough to think staying at home is enough to protect you from an overblown cold virus, you deserve triple whatever you’re going to get.)

My biggest regret in all this really is that I have to deal with it. If me and my loved ones could do whatever the fuck we wanted while you ‘tards and terrorist cocksuckers sat on your worthless asses thinking you were ‘fighting a pandemic’ (your ego sure dies hard, huh?), it’d be fine with me. Frankly, I like not having to deal with as many of you as usual when I go outside. You people should be core-un-teened—not because of a barely-existent health issue, but because you’re pathetic and expensive. Really, why the fuck should ANYONE care if you survive? We’d be better off without you.

Mere weeks ago your media overlords kept stressing the importance of going out and climate marching or whatever the hell got you people to use your abled bodies instead of letting them go to waste. Now the media says you hafta stay inside or face the consequences, and without even a glimmer of hesitation, you willingly accept the baldfaced suspension of your civil liberties. Fuck you for being a herd animal. Fuck you for your jawdropping selfishness and resource hoarding. Fuck you for wasting my and every other actual person’s time.

While you tards both re and fuck are inside wringing your hands after washing them, ‘your’ gubmint is planning to destroy everything, including what little you have. Say goodbye to the era of shallow entertainment. Don’t think you’ll ever go on your sorry little outings ever again. Thanks ever so for not only refusing to rub two brain cells together and make some real creative happenings, but also refusing to make what few interesting things there are accessible to those of us who aren’t completely able-bodied. You people deserve to be terrified for your health. (BTW, you’re perfectly safe—from a nonstick pandemic, that is.)

When the economy has crashed, the food supply is nonexistent (for us—not your overlords), you’re shitting in the streets, and living under a dictatorship that makes Communism seem quaint, don’t say you weren’t warned.

But hey, at least you (probably) won’t have the sniffles.

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